I have written before about odd encounters with people through social media. One problem is that since some of the places I hang out online are forums and services that cater to specifically gay people, I wind up running into folks who are looking to hook up, but more vexingly, assume everyone else is also looking to hook up.

Consequently, my profile on all of those sites mention, as prominently as I can, that I am married to a wonderful man. My profile also always mentions my interest in science fiction/fantasy, that I write, and that I live in Seattle.

I’ve noticed a very specific phenomenon the last few years: guys who will initiate a conversation, making a comment about either the fact that I’m a writer or that I’m a sci fi fan, but who manage to completely miss the parts about my being married or living in Seattle. Seriously, at least once a week someone will chat amiably for a few moments, then start asking questions about what I am looking for in a boyfriend/long term relationship. When I point out that I already have a husband, they either get confused or flustered.

If they continue the conversation, they usually switch gears to explaining that they don’t have many gay friends, and ask if maybe I and my husband would like to hang out some time. At which point I usually ask, “Your profile says you live in Los Angeles/Jersey City/Houston/fill-in-the-blank; that might be a bit difficult.” Which leads into the part of the conversation where they didn’t realize that I wasn’t local to them.

I try not to be too snarky when I suggest that they might want to look more closely at someone’s profile before chatting them up. But I also try to cut things off, because by this point it’s clear that they either have extremely poor reading comprehension or some sort of memory/attention deficit issue.

Or maybe they’re just really, really dim.