Tag Archive | domestic abuse

How people use a word can tell you more about them than they wish — more adventures in dictionaries

Abuse as defined in one of my dictionaries... (click to embiggen)

Abuse as defined in one of my dictionaries… (click to embiggen)

I can’t count the number of times, as a child, that some adult (relatives, teachers, or people from church) would take me aside to suggest or insist that if I would just be more obedient or behave the way my dad expected, he wouldn’t have to be so strict with me. I know my younger siblings got similar admonishments: Dad wouldn’t be forced to use such strict punishments on us if only we could placate his moods. They never referred to his behavior as “abuse,” it was always said that he was “strict” and that he “had a temper.” And while they often implied that they thought his punishment was harsher than necessary, they never acknowledged that his behavior had crossed a line into being unacceptable or uncalled for. Which is quite amazing if I explain some of the specifics.

Content Warning: the following essay (which will also touch on dangerous misperceptions and myths about sexual orientation) includes some specifics about physical abuse of children and worse. Only click when you’re ready Read More…

Weekend Update 2/18/2017: Abusive men in the news edition

“You do NOT have to forgive your abusive parents.”

“You do NOT have to forgive your abusive parents.”

This is a slightly different Weekend Update than usual. When I first checked twitter after waking up Friday morning, one of the first things I saw was a link to this article: ‘Evil’ Man’s Family Gives Him the Obit He Deserved. With that headline I had to click it, and the story did not disappoint. Essentially, a man who was an abusive father and husband passed away and his family wrote an obituary that admitted as much. Just one quote: “Leslie’s passing proves that evil does in fact die, and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all.”

This story particularly resonated with me, since my own father was a physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive man who was also not just racist, but so over-the-top racist that when I have repeated to other peoples some of the things he’s said, I have been accused of exaggerating.

And do not get me started on the BS that his second wife put in his obituary.

Anyway, that article was only the beginning. After I read it and sent myself a bookmark to include in next week’s Friday Links, I went back to twitter, read a couple more tweets, and then came to a link to this story: USA Gymnastics delayed reporting Larry Nassar for 5 weeks – specifically they knew for at least five weeks that Nassar had used his position as a team physician to sexually abuse girls many of whom were under the age of 13. Let that sink in a moment: they were made aware from multiple witnesses that one of their employees had used their facilities and programs to sexually abuse children, and they waffled for five weeks about whether or not to report the allegations to appropriate authorities. But at least he’s finally being charged: Ex-Michigan State doctor Larry Nassar ordered to trial.

While I was looking up more information on Nassar, I found out about a story related to another child molester whose trials and punishment I’ve written about on this blog: JERRY SANDUSKY’S SON JEFFREY CHARGED WITH CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. As the article points out, abuse is often an intergenerational thing. Which isn’t to say that the inevitable outcome of surviving childhood abuse is to become an abuser.

The next thing I saw on twitter was an article on Donald and how his behavior since becoming president is classic narcissistic abuser. But I’ve already linked to enough articles about that man this week, so let’s just not go there, shall we?

Although, it is interesting to contemplate what sort of obituary someone who was as honest as the family in the first link was would read about Donald, isn’t it?

#WhyIStayed #WhyILeft

Why I Stayed:

Because my church, teachers, other relatives, and even a cop (after the incident of the broken collar bone and gash that required stitches) told me that sometimes a father has to go to extremes to make his son a man.

Because when you are raised from birth by your abuser, you think bruises, fractures, and lacerations are normal.

Because my church, other relatives, and even movies and TV told me that standing up for myself was being rebellious.

Because if my story didn’t match his version of events, I would be hurt worse.

Because if I got away, he’d still be able to hurt my mom and my little sister.

Why I Left:

Because the judge hearing my parents’ divorce case actually asked me which parent I wanted to live with, and why.

Unpacking some of the above:

To someone who isn’t in the abusive relationship, the solution always seems simple… Read More…

%d bloggers like this: