Tag Archives: lgbt

Confessions of an eye-rolling homo

1012031_619704901401542_1221490736_nThere’s a “story” on Breitbart entitled “SJWs Are Purging Politically Incorrect Sci-Fi Authors From Bookstores” that several people pointed me to that is so wrong and so laughable that I was going to include a do-not-link to it and do a little dissecting. But I don’t have to do most of the dissecting, because Jim C. Hines has done that part for me: Fact-Checking for Dummies. And Breitbart. The tl;dr summary: a “journalist” at Breitbart takes a single comment off of a post on the sci-fi blog File 770 and represents the comment as a news story claiming that bookstores in Toronto are removing books from their shelves written by Sad Puppies because of pressure for Social Justice Warriors.

It’s a comment, not an actual post. And even as a comment it is presented as an anecdote, “Last month someone told me…” Finally, others have gone to the bookstores in question and confirmed that books written by the specific authors mentioned in the comment are still on the shelves available for purchase. So, the entire premise of the op-ed piece on Breitbart is false.

But there’s more to it. The op-ed mentions specific authors who supposedly have been purged for making homophobic remarks, and then gets all upset claiming that several of those authors have done no such thing. Breitbart grudgingly admits the John C. Wright has made a statement about homosexuality being an aberration, but that barely qualifies! None of the others have said anything homophobic at all!

Here’s where my eye-rolling begins. Wright hasn’t merely said that homosexuality is unnatural. Wright has said, “I have never heard of a group of women descending on a lesbian couple and beating them to death with axhandles and tire-irons, but that is the instinctive reaction of men towards fags.” In fact, he’s said several variants of that: “…the natural reaction of real men confronted by fags is to beat them to death with axhandles and tire-irons.” For a while it was his go-to joke. Until midyear last year when he went through his blog and purged most of the occurrences of that particular phrase. He also rewrote a passage where he had said, “I feel no more personal animosity toward lesbians or other sodomites than I do to termites, but when they invade my house, it’s time to exterminate.” He changed it to instead compare the artist and the writer of The Legend of Korra to termites for the crime of representing two women in love in the final episode of the series, and that artists and writers who positively portray homosexual characters are the ones who deserve to be exterminated. And somehow he thinks that is less homophobic.

But Hines’ take-down of the Breitbart article falls short on a couple of points, so I want to deal with those.

The Breitbart op-ed, as I mentioned, claims that none of the other named “politically correct” authors have ever made any homophobic statements. That’s not true, at all. Brad Torgersen has said things such as: “we didn’t decide that homosexuality is wrong, God did

No matter how sincerely held a religious belief is, it can still be bigotry. Bigotry is obstinately holding onto a belief in spite of evidence to the contrary. Medical science has concluded that homosexuality is not a matter of choice, it is an innate trait. That’s a fact. Sin has to be a matter of choice, that’s part of sin’s theological definition. Innate traits cannot be sins. Torgerson and Larry Correia (another author Breitbart insists isn’t homophobic, despite repeated statements that “homosexuality is a dangerous lifestyle choice”) and their friends are perfectly within their rights to insist—contrary to the facts—that homosexuality is a matter of choice, yes. But that they do so for religious reasons doesn’t change the truth that the belief is a bigoted one. They are anti-gay bigots.

And more importantly, straight people, like the author of the Breitbart piece, don’t get to decide what I or any other queer person feels offended about. We get to own our own feelings. As Irish drag queen and gay rights activist Panti Bliss said:

“I have been lectured to by heterosexual people about what homophobia is and about who is allowed to identify it. Straight people have lined up—ministers, senators, barristers, journalists—have lined up to tell me what homophobia is and what I am allowed to feel oppressed by. People who have never experienced homophobia in their lives, people who have never checked themselves at a pedestrian crossing, have told me that unless I am being thrown into prison or herded onto a cattle truck, it is not homophobia, and that feels oppressive.”

I could spend a little more time using Google and the Internet Wayback Machine and I would not be surprised if I could come up with similar statements about gay people for each of the other authors that Breitbart thinks have been purged from Toronto bookshelves. I say that because I vaguely recall reading statements from all of them along those lines. And I’m sure that it is a bit hypocritical of me, after lambasting Breitbart for failing to fact-check, not to finish the job.

But unlike Breitbart, I’m not being paid to report things. It took me only a few minutes on Google for each author to find two homophobic Torgerson quotes and four homophobic Wright quotes and a couple of Correia’s homophobic statements. It takes a little longer to track down old blog posts that some of those guys have deleted or revised after the Affair of the Melancholy Canines became big news last year. Frankly, it is exhausting having to constantly re-explain to people that there really are bigots out there still trying to silence, oppress, denigrate, or deny rights to queer people. They can make their off-handed, unproven attacks in seconds, and it takes us much more time to fact-check them and track down the evidence.

So I’m going to stop here and just roll my eyes once again at the straightsplaining and the false accusations and the bigot apologists. And frankly, even rolling my eyes is more effort than the haters deserve.


Edited to add:  the original draft of this included a digression about the fact that stories like the Breitbart op-ed are intended, among other things, to stir up animosity toward queer people and our supporters. Just as all that talk about how sinful or unnatural homosexuality is—it is intended to stir up hatred, while claiming to be the opposite. That’s why I included the Stephen Fry quote and graphic originally. Haters want other people to agree with them and hate us, too.

Another commentary on ships

A blog post that appeared on my Tumblr dashboard. Click to embiggen.
A blog post that appeared on my Tumblr dashboard. Click to embiggen.

A lot of Tumblr is about reblogging and liking stuff other people have posted. Or more realistically, reblogging stuff someone you follow reblogged from someone the follow who reblogged it from someone else, ad nauseum, that someone else posted.

A certain amount of commentary happens, though the tools aren’t really designed to foster conversation. But that’s another topic for another day.

The post, also shown in the screenshot above, came to my dashboard by one of those multi-reblog chains, and it much more succinctly demonstrates the point I expounded on in Invisible? Refusing to see what’s already there… which I also alluded to a few days ago in Confessions of an incorrigible shipper.

The original post was put up last July, as seen here.

Whether you call it a double standard, unacknowledged straight privilege, heterosexism, or homophobia, it’s all the same.

Confessions of an incorrigible shipper

Poe and Finn kiss while Rey gives Finn a congratulatory low-five (Earlier this week the writer/director of Star Wars Episode VIII re-tweeted this cartoon drawn by Jeffrey Winger (jeffreywinger.co.vu).
Earlier this week the writer/director of Star Wars Episode VIII re-tweeted this cartoon drawn by Jeffrey Winger (jeffreywinger.co.vu). Click to embiggen.
The first time I saw the original Star Wars I didn’t consciously have a strong feeling about the apparent love triangle being set up between Luke, Leia, and Han. I was frankly a bit surprised when some of my friends started talking about it. I mean, yes, there was the cute scene when Han realized that Luke was developing a crush, and he asked, “Do you think a princess and a guy like me–?” But he was so obviously teasing Luke. Clearly he wasn’t actually interested in the princess, right? I mean, what other possible interpretation could you have to that indulgent, slightly condescending smile?

And Han, being a much more experienced man, also, to my mind, knew that there was never any chance that a guy like Luke could win the princess, either. That was the other meaning of that smile. And during the dozens of times I re-watched the movie over the next three years, I was still convinced that there wasn’t going to be a serious conflict between Luke and Han trying to win Leia’s heart.

I was definitely in the minority. Lots of people expected, if there was a sequel, that a love triangle would figure heavily in the next movie.

I would like to be able to argue that I had somehow perceived some hint of the revelation that was going to come along later that Leia was Luke’s twin sister. But that wasn’t it. It wasn’t until after I first saw The Empire Strikes Back, that I realized what had been going on in my subconscious. Empire remains my favorite movie of the series for a lot of reasons, but after the first showing I had very mixed feelings about one subplot.

I was still deeply closeted at that point, but I was quite aware that I had a crush on Harrison Ford (or at least all the characters he played), while I had also very strongly identified with Luke, but didn’t have the same kind of feelings for Mark Hamill. I realized that my subconscious had been rooting for a romance, all right, but one between Luke and Han. Which in 1980, when Empire was released, was absolutely impossible in a mainstream film. Heck, even the most radical art house films seldom portrayed mutual same sex romances. They might show a homo obsessed with another man, but it was unrequited and tragic and depressing.

But that was what my subconscious saw precisely because we never saw it on the screen. I’ve written before about why queer people read same sex attraction into all sorts of characters in movies, television, and books. Because if we didn’t imagine them, we never got them. The unrelenting message of culture and media is that queers don’t exist, queers don’t matter, queers don’t love, and if they dare to, they deserve whatever horrible things befall them.

That’s why it’s homophobic when straight people roll their eyes or demand to know why we “do that” to characters who aren’t explicitly identified as gay. It isn’t necessarily malicious or intentional, but being annoyed that we dare to imagine such relationships perpetuates our erasure and is condescending at best.

But to get back to Empire, the movie did such an excellent job of portraying the complex emotional relationship between Han and Leia, that by the time of Han’s famous, “I know” answer just before he was frozen in carbonite, I was cheering for them. Of course they were in love! They were perfect for each other! At least that’s what one part of my heart said. Meanwhile, another part was mourning the loss of the love between Han and Luke that I’d hoped for, even though I knew it wouldn’t happen in a mainstream movie.

But once I got over my disappointment, I was totally on the Han and Leia train, and was happy to see them decades later (“You still drive me crazy”) as a realistic older couple who have had their ups, downs, and a falling out but still caring for each other in The Force Awakens.

I don’t only ship same sex couples. The first two seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I was totally a Willow/Xander shipper. I so wanted Xander to pull his head out and realize that Willow loved him. At different times in the series, yeah, I was elsewhere. I’ve written Xander/Spike fic (and if I ever finish my WIP there’s also some steamy Graham/Riley action and hot Gunn/Buffy action in there). I adore well written Buffy/Spike fic. For a while I was a Xander/Scott shipper, but have often been completely onboard both the canon Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara relationships. I realize if you’re not familiar with the show that you won’t know that half of those are opposite sex couples. In another fictional universe, I remain an unapologetic Parker/Hardison/Spencer One-true-threesome shipper!

But yes, I saw the chemistry between Finn and Poe during my first viewing of The Force Awakens, and given how many millions of other fans saw it, it clearly isn’t an unreasonable inference. I get that other people see the Rey/Finn pairing, and I’m not saying I wouldn’t be able to enjoy that, but I would really, really like for a galaxy filled with aliens of all shapes and droids and so forth the acknowledge that queer people exist, too. (Also, hey! Why can’t we have a Finn/Poe/Rey triad? Polyamory is real, too!) That’s why I enjoyed reading Rian Johnson Gets It, where I first saw the cartoon I linked above.

As Chuck Wendig said in a post I’ve linked to before regarding people who were angry he put gay characters in an official Star Wars novel:

“…if you’re upset because I put gay characters and a gay protagonist in the book, I got nothing for you. Sorry, you squawking saurian — meteor’s coming. And it’s a fabulously gay Nyan Cat meteor with a rainbow trailing behind it and your mode of thought will be extinct. You’re not the Rebel Alliance. You’re not the good guys. You’re the fucking Empire, man. You’re the shitty, oppressive, totalitarian Empire. If you can imagine a world where Luke Skywalker would be irritated that there were gay people around him, you completely missed the point of Star Wars. It’s like trying to picture Jesus kicking lepers in the throat instead of curing them. Stop being the Empire. Join the Rebel Alliance. We have love and inclusion and great music and cute droids.

Also, I was really pleased with this: when a fan recently asked Mark Hamill on line if Luke was bisexual, Mark replied, “His sexuality is never addressed in the films. Luke is whatever the audience wants him to be, so you can decide for yourself.”

Weekend Update – 11/7/2015: Children Being Failed

Source: thedesmondproject.com/Homelessness-Info.html (Click to embiggen)
Source: thedesmondproject.com/Homelessness-Info.html (Click to embiggen)
Every minute I’m blogging is a minute I’m not adding to my NaNoWriMo word count, but some things have crossed my virtual desktop since making yesterday’s Friday Links post that I think need to be shared.

First, many weeks back I shared links to the story of Joel Andrew, an 18-year-old student who was kicked out by his parents for being gay. They didn’t just kick him out, they refused to pay for tuition at the college he was enrolled at, they refused to sign any financial aid forms (which means that legally he can’t apply for federal aid until he turns 25, yes it’s a thing), and they demanded that he stop using his last name (Andrew is not his original surname). The daughter of his dance teacher set up a GoFundMe page to raise money to pay his tuition for one semester, tons of people donated, and so on. There’s more news, and it’s good news (as much as you can get from a story like this): College Dance Student Raises $60K For Tuition After Parents Disown Him For Being Gay. Go read the linked stories.

The parents now claim that they didn’t kick him out, and didn’t demand that he stop using their last name, but I strongly suspect that’s a case of the classic, “I didn’t tell him he had to move out. I told him that if he was living under my roof who would have to stop seeing his boyfriend, stop admitting he’s gay, et cetera, et cetera.” Anyway, Joel is doing alright, now. Which is good. I want to echo Dan Savage’s comments that there are a lot of Joels out there who didn’t have someone to set up a GoFundMe page. We can help kids like Joel by donated to organizations such as the Ali Forney Center, the True Colors Fund, or the Point Foundation. There are a lot of local charities that serve the homeless, particularly homeless teens. Find one near you and help if you can.

Second: I included one link yesterday to news that the Latter Day Saints church has officially declared that gay members are no longer simply sinning, but are now apostates, and not only that, but that children of gay people in same sex relationships are banned from Baptism and serving in the church until they turn 18 and then only if they renounce their own parents. As Natasha Helfer Parker writes at Patheos: ‘…how dare we go against our own doctrines and punish the children for the “sins of their fathers?”‘ Being an apostate means that one has renounced or completely abandoned their faith and it in utter rebellion against said faith and principals. Calling being in a gay relationship ‘apostasy’ puts it on par with murder and rape, and as more than one observer as commented, the church doesn’t refuse baptism to the children of murderers nor rapists. It’s got more than a few members upset, obviously.

It would be really easy to make snarky comments. When stories like this are posted on gay news sites, there are always people chiming in with, “what gay person would want to live in {fill in name of extremely conservative state}” or “why would anyone want to belong to a religion that doesn’t welcome them?” or “all religions are B.S. anyway, so why should we care?” and so on. My answer remains the same: we don’t choose where we are born and we don’t choose which family we are born into. As children we were dependent on our families and communities of origin for the means of survival. Policies like this hurt people who cannot protect themselves. They create an atmosphere of bullying and coercion that drives children to commit suicide. And particularly in close-knit communities that encourage extended families to remain close and depend upon one another, this kind of intolerance ruins lives.

The repercussions of B.S. like this reach well past childhood or the children directly impacted. These teachings are what drives parents to kick their children who appear to be gay, lesbian, bi, or trans from their homes, for instance. The LDS church isn’t alone in this by any means. The Southern Baptists can claim that they love and respect everyone, but when in the same statement about marriage equality they say “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil” they’re saying to every queer or questioning kid growing up in their churches that they way they were born is evil. Which will lead many of them, after years of praying and doing everything in their power to stop feeling the way they do and being who they are to believing they are irredeemable and inherently unlovable. Just as the Catholic church can keep tricking reporters into repeating the claim that the church is “more welcoming to LGBT people” when that welcome is not unlike the parents I talked about earlier—you’re welcome to be told again and again that who you are is inherently disordered and you may only stay so long as you live a miserable, lonely existence constantly denying who you are.

Third: The loss of the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance is not simply a matter of one city. Nor is it as simple as hate and ignorance winning. We need to do some evaluation like this one: Why Houston’s Equal Rights Ordinance Failed 80 if for no other reason that we’ve seen before that the anti-gay folks will reuse arguments that worked once again and again to take rights away. They are going to mount more campaigns just like this one to try to take away protections in jobs, housing, and so on. It isn’t a new tactic, by any means, but it’s one that can be made to work: How The Religious Right Learned To Use Bathrooms As A Weapon Against Justice

And they aren’t just using it to get anti-gay people to vote against us, they are already trying to get us to turn on each other: Homocon Petition: Drop The “T” From LGBT. It’s an anonymous petition. It is being promoted by certain gay republican jerks who have in the past argued against marriage equality and anti-discrimination laws. Scores of books can be written about why those folks actively participate in their own oppression, but make no mistake: this petition is not coming from people who have the well-being and rights of any queer person in mind. It’s called divide and conquer. If they can get us fighting among ourselves, it will be easy to not just stop the advancement of freedom, but to actually turn back the clock.

Don’t be fooled!

Weekend Update 10/24/2015: Bigot Backpedals, Others Sued

herosmear-660x330Interesting news keeps breaking after I put together my Friday Links post and sometimes it just needs some commentary. Houston Texans Owner Bob McNair RESCINDS His Donation To Anti-LGBT Rights Campaign. Quick background: Houston city council expanded the city’s anti-discrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity. Since last election the people of Houston had elected an out lesbian as Mayor, this wasn’t a big surprised. But bigots were upset, and first they tried to run an initiative to repeal the ordinance, but made the very big “mistake” of collecting signatures in churches… outside of Houston. So a lot of the signatures were invalid. There are lawsuits and counter-lawsuits. Pastors gave sermons promoting the repeal effort (which ought to mean the churches in question lose their tax-exempt status, but that never happens when it is conservative churches doing it).

Despite all the evidence that the signatures were collected incorrectly and a lot of them were invalid, the Texas Supreme Court ordered the repeal initiative put on the ballot. So there’s a campaign going on, and the owner of the local NFL team recently donated $10,000 to the effort. Lots of people were upset about this, but the best response was from former NFL player and perennial LGBT-supporter, Chris Kluwe: Kluwe Rips Texans Owner Bob McNair. Besides the hilarious editorial, Kluwe also posted contact information for the Texans front office on twitter and so forth, so fans could let the organization know that they found it difficult to believe the NFL’s claims that it is not homophobic and that it welcomes all fans and all players when one of the owners does this.

The owner, who had made statements to the press (not other people speaking on his behalf, as he now claims) saying that the discrimination ordinance should be repealed, suddenly took his donation back. He can claim that he just wanted a thoughtful re-write, but his previous actions and statements don’t back that up.

josh-duggar-sex-scandal-fans-tlc-cancel-19-kids-and-counting-molestation-allegations-backlash-04Meanwhile, there’s more news in other parts of bigot land. Remember the Duggar clan, and the fact that one of their kids sexually abuses his sisters (and he was treated as the victim, not the sisters). And part of the family’s “treatment” was to send him to stay with a family friend who was later convicted of sexual abuse of children himself? Another part of the treatment was to send him to the Institute for Basic Life Principles, which is a rightwing religious organization that I have some experience with, as it used to run these big seminar things that I was enrolled in more than once. Anyway, that organization has transformed into a home-schooling thing and: Home Schooling Program Used By Duggar Family Sued For Sexual Abuse Of Minors and Five women sue Bill Gothard’s ministry that has ties to the Duggars.

The founder of the program has already been removed because of charges of sexual harassment of underage girls. His fetish for a particular kind of long curly hair is the reason the Duggars and all the other whack-o Quiverful people make all their daughters curl their hair that way, by the by. Also, the institute’s lesson plans for counseling girls who have been sexual abused or assaulted is all about convincing the girl it is her fault for luring the man to having impure thoughts.

None of this should surprise anyone, of course.

Applause from the wrong side

images (1)I was listening to the recent episode of the Cabbages and Kings podcast, Seeing Yourself In The Narrative and found myself nodding emphatically in agreement when the guest, Cecily Kane, observed that “when dudes write fanfic, it isn’t called fanfic.” In the podcast she was referring to a certain Hugo-winning novel from a couple of years ago. I’ve previously linked to an article Laurie Penny wrote, Whose wankfest is this anyway? The BBC’s Sherlock doesn’t just engage with fan fiction – it is fan fiction that makes a similar point.

Everyone claims that they evaluate a book, or movie, or other work of art based on the quality of the work, and not the identity of who made it. But that isn’t true. A woman writes a Star Trek-inspired story in which characters who were not involved romantically on screen are, or the characters cross-over with the characters of another fictional series, and it’s relegated to fanfic archives and looked down upon by serious people. A guy who has had several science fiction novels published writes a Star Trek-inspired story in which the fictional characters cross-over into the real world and discover a strange relationship between the real and fictional world, and it’s awarded a Hugo.

Knowing who did it changes our perception of the quality and importance of the work. Even though we don’t like to admit it.

For example, I have justified my enthusiasm for a movie or television series that everyone else I know thinks is terrible—and that I agree is badly written and/or poorly directed—simply because a particular actor or actress was in it. Similarly, there is an author (who I have written about before) whose activities promoting anti-gay laws and fundraising for anti-gay organizations caused me to pledge long ago that I will never again buy anything that he has written; and when asked my opinion of his stuff, I mention the reasons why I boycott him.

That’s a bit different than the blanket sort of de-valuation that either Kane or Penny were discussing in the above linked items.

And it isn’t just who produces it that matters in the way the powers that be evaluate a work of fiction. Even more important then who is writing it is who we (which is to say, the collective consciousness) believe is the intended audience. Red Shirts wasn’t dismissed out of hand as fan fiction not merely because it was written by a guy, but even more because it was perceived as being aimed at the dude-bros of geekdom. Many things in the story were crafted to appeal specifically to the guys who love space battles and love arguing about whether Han Solo or Captain Kirk would come out triumphant in various arenas of competition.

I want to pause for a moment and point out that I liked Red Shirts, just as I like BBC’s Sherlock. I’m a guy who grew up watching the original Trek series (during it’s original primetime run 1966-69) as well as reading Sherlock Holmes stories. Because I’m also a queer guy, I don’t entirely match the target audience, but I’m close enough for it to resonate. My point isn’t that those sorts of work are inherently bad. It’s that other work which is at least as good (if not better) gets relegated to various ghettos of the arts not because those works are inherently less worthy, but because they are perceived as being intended for the “wrong” audience.

If you have a girl or a woman as your lead character, your story won’t be marketed as serious science fiction or fantasy or mainstream fiction. Instead it will be channeled into Young Adult, or Romance, or some other “specialized” category. Heaven forfend that you have a queer protagonist! That is going to be perceived as a niche work at best.

How do we fix this? The first step is, if you really love science fiction or fantasy, make an effort to find works that don’t fall into that so-called mainstream audience. When you find something that you think is good, buy it, recommend it, look for other things by the same author and buy those as well. If you’re active on Goodreads, post positive reviews of these discoveries. If you bought the book from an online source that lets you rate and review works, write a review. All of those places have algorithms for recommending works to other people, and most of the algorithms are more likely to recommend a work if it has a lot of reviews.

If the work is published in a magazine, whether it be a paper publication or online, write in to say how much you liked the particular story. Let the people who published it and the person who wrote it know that you liked it! If they know there is an audience for that sort of story and that sort of protagonist, you’ll see more of that kind of thing.

If you find yourself wishing there was more work that has a particular kind of protagonist or is set in a particular kind of world, consider writing it yourself. Sometimes the only way to get more good art that includes us is to do it ourselves. And that’s okay. Because no matter how unusual you may think it is, I guarantee you that someone else out there is looking for it, too.

Every child deserves to live free of harassment

Some facts about bullying. SOURCE: GLSEN's 2013 National School Climate Survey (Click to embiggen)
Some facts about bullying. SOURCE: GLSEN’s 2013 National School Climate Survey (Click to embiggen)

Go purple on October 15, 2015 for #SpiritDay

Spirit Day began in 2010 as a way to show support for LGBT youth and take a stand against bullying. Following a string of high-profile suicide deaths of gay teens in 2010, GLAAD worked to involve millions of teachers, workplaces, celebrities, media outlets and students in going purple on social media or wearing purple, a color that symbolizes spirit on the rainbow flag.

Spirit Day now occurs every year on the third Thursday in October, during National Bullying Prevention Month, and has become the most visible day of support for LGBT youth.

This year GLAAD will celebrate Spirit Day on October 15 where we will all stand together; communities, corporations, celebrities, landmarks, faith groups, sports leagues, schools and so much more, to send a message of solidarity and acceptance to LGBT youth.

I certainly felt powerless as a kid in school (back in the 60s and 70s) against the bullies, and I’ve already written way more than anyone needs to read about it. But one of the reasons I felt powerless was because I thought I was alone. Not that no one else I knew was getting bullied——many of my classmates were. But we never felt that anyone cared. Part of that was because back then, at least, some teachers hurled insults such as “pussy” and “faggot” at us. But another reason was because no one was taking our side.

That’s why we should all Pledge to go purple for #SpiritDay 2015, which is tomorrow!

Come out, darlings, the world is fine!

keep-calm-and-come-out-21Today is National Coming Out Day. If Ray were still alive, it would also be the day we’d be celebrating the twenty-second anniversary of our commitment ceremony (he promised to stay with me for the rest of his life, and he did).

Since I am still occasionally surprised to learn that someone I know or work with hasn’t figured out that I’m gay: my husband (Michael) and I are both men, and we’re very much in love with each other and happy together.

My husband and I.
My husband and I.

But while I’m (re-)stating what I think ought to be obvious, I would like to announce that I am a card-carrying liberal gay man who thinks:

Continue reading Come out, darlings, the world is fine!

Varmints in sheep’s clothing

A lot of people are being shocked (shocked!) that the Pope not only met with the bigoted Kentucky county clerk who prevented gay couples from getting marriage licenses until a (republican-appointed) federal judge threw her in jail. And it’s worse than that: he’s the one that had his people set up the secret meeting, and at the meeting he told the bigoted clerk to be strong and gave her and her husband blessed rosaries.

You can’t get a stronger endorsement of bigotry and disobeying the law than that.

Folks are shocked because they have fallen into the trap of kind-sounding words that, when taken out of context, make it sound as if this pope is more tolerant and more accepting. The oft-quoted “Who am I to judge?” was a fragment of a sentence out of context. Reading the full context (as I and others explained before), the kindest spin you can put on his actual comment was, “Who am I to judge a person who claims to be ex-gay and does a decent enough job of staying in the closet as to give me plausible deniability?”

Similarly, his comments a few months later which were quoted as “we shouldn’t focus so much on fighting gay rights” was, in context, not a call to live and let live, but rather, “hate the sin, pretend to love the sinner, and find ways to make our hating of the sinner sound compassionate.”

Not everyone is surprised at all of this, of course; I’m not the only one who has been pointing out the pope is still very socially conservative. I just wish more people paid attention to what he actually says, instead of getting swept up in the out-of-context stuff.

I know why it’s tempting to applaud this pope: he really pisses off the wingnut politicians who claim to be Christian but promote greed and exploitation. He does quote the very parts of his holy book that those of us on the progressive end of the spectrum are always calling out the rightwing for ignoring. And yes, generally his statements are less nasty than those of his predecessor, but that doesn’t make him a hero for human rights.

So I don’t find it at all a surprise that he is encouraging the law-breaking and discrimination of that Kentucky clerk. No, the only thing even mildly surprising is that the evangelical clerk and her supporters are teaming up with the pope.

See, for most of my life, evangelical fundamentalist Christian churches such as the Baptist church which the Kentucky clerk used to belong to, and the even more radical Apostolic Christian church she joined after her third divorce, have despised the pope in particular and catholics in general. I know, because I grew up in such churches myself. I sat through sermons where ministers insisted that Catholics were not really Christians, and therefore would not go to heaven. I attended Bible studies where the teaching materials laid out in painstaking detail the argument that Paul the VI (who was the pope at the time) was the literal anti-christ from the book of Revelations. The exact theological reasons for rejecting Catholic teachings varied. Depending on which reasons were most important to a particular fundamentalist, the Catholic church was looked on with either pity as being full of delusional well-meaning people who didn’t realize they were actually following the devil, or it was held in contempt as a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

But increasingly the sorts of evangelicals who have done everything in their power to redefine christianity as a hatred for homos have also been embracing the Catholic church and its leadership as if they are long-lost soul mates. The reason is simple demographics. Back when I was a kid, about 65-70% of the U.S. population identified itself as Protestant. During my teens that dropped down to about 60%, and it continued declining, dipping below 50% around 2005.

The only way they could still claim to be speaking for the majority of Americans was to accept the 23-25% of Americans who identify as Catholic under the Christian banner.

The most recent reliable figures put the Protestant population at about 37%, while Catholics are hovering between 21-23%. At no point were the evangelical fundamentalist denominations a majority of the Protestants, but on many of the public/society-impacting issues, many of the other Protestants were at least sympathetic to the evangelical agenda. During the last decade, as a number of the Christians who don’t support all the misogynist and anti-gay policies of the far right have made more of an effort to be heard, it isn’t surprising that the evangelicals are now even welcoming Mormons (the only denomination they rejected more vehemently than Catholics when I was a kid) into the fold.

They have a right to their beliefs, no matter how delusional or backward they may be. I’m not arguing that they don’t. But it is incredibly ironic that a woman who has been divorced and remarried several times (which, according to even relatively recent statements of the pope is at least as bad a sin as homosexuality) is being embraced as a symbol of christian perseverance by the pope.

It is more than ironic:

It is has been decades since the Catholic church has lobbied for the repeal of divorce laws. It has been decades since a Catholic official has denied communion to a politician who has not tried to repeal divorce laws. It has been decades since the church leadership has advocated for laws punishing unmarried women who have babies. But these are things they have done, and divorce and pre-marital sex are acts that the church still claims are just as immoral as homosexuality. Evangelicals used to be just as opposed to divorce, remarriage, and decriminalizing extra-marital and pre-marital sex.

They’ve given up on trying to enforce those things in civil law at least, to the point that all of the Kentucky clerk’s remarriages were performed in a Baptist church by a Baptist minister, and to the point where the Pope has given his blessing to a thrice-divorced woman and the man who got her pregnant in-between some of those marriages. If they can do that, then they can shut up about marriage law, and let consenting adults who aren’t members of their faith make their own, legal, decisions about who to love, who to share their lives with, and who to designate legally as their next-of-kin.

Invisible? Difficult to see what others have erased

1442933694_celebrate-bisexuality-dayI had a topic queued up for this week’s Throwback Thursday/More of why I love sf/f post, but then I remembered that it’s Bisexual Awareness Week, which is an expansion of Bisexual Visibility Day, and I thought, maybe I should write about some of the sci fi stories that I remember reading in my late teens/early twenties that nudged me into thinking maybe I was bi rather than gay.

As I tracked those stories down over the last few days, I realized something: none of the characters in those books actually identified as bisexual. The characters talk about bisexuality as an abstract, in exactly the way a closeted queer person might with their friends as a means of tentatively sounding out the friend to see if said friend would accept them if you came out as gay or bi.

And then there was no actual coming out. No romance other than opposite-sex couples, et cetera. It was a little irritating. Especially since one of the rules I adopted about my “more of why I love sf/f” posts is that I want to talk about books, stories, authors, movies, et al from the genre that I love rather than focus on critique or griping. So I couldn’t write about those stories that I had misremembered as having bisexual characters without it turning into a big gripe session.

So I’m not going to write about them tomorrow. And other than that explanation, I’m not going to write anything more about them, today, either. Because today is Bisexual Awareness Day, and it’s is supposed to be a celebration of and for bisexual people, not a time for a old white gay guy to gripe about related issues. So I encourage you, if you don’t know why Bisexual Visibility Day exists, and is different that National Coming Out Day and why it’s needed, to read this: Bisexual Visibility Day: Why being a bisexual is not easy.

And you might find this interesting: Celebrating the ‘B’ in LGBT: A history of Bisexual Awareness Week.

And while you’re at it, take a look at this: Why Bisexual Visibility Is Important.

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I’m not bisexual myself, but I happen to be married to someone who is, as well as having several other important people in my life who are bi. So I have at least an empathetic understanding of their struggles, and how some of those overlap with mine, while many are different.

Remember, love is love; shout it for the world to hear.